Getting Lost In The Identity Crisis...

I think it's a common thing as women to fall into the trap of 'loosing' ourselves at different points throughout life. I've had some interesting conversations in which I asked the question -

The responses astounded me because even though I am very aware that it is a big thing, I've been there let me tell you, I did not realise how early this loss of identity begins for some. And by that I mean for some it started when they announced their pregnancy ... 'It became all about the baby, like I didn't matter anymore'. There were others that had it hit once the baby came along ... "I was so overwhelmed, I no longer knew what to think. I hardly recognised myself." And for many others it has been a sense that life gradually became a whirlwind of doing and being there for others, and dreams were put on the back burner... and have stayed there.

There is also that little inner voice constantly telling you to 'hurry up', 'get through the list', 'don't forget to do...', 'no you can't attend 'X', you've got too much on your plate'... and the list goes on and on and on. Not to mention we have a tendency to feel we can 'PROVE' ourselves by saying "YES" to absolutely everything and keep taking on more and more. My goodness... who the hell are we trying to kid?

Identity is the strongest force in human personality. We all have a deep & abiding need to remain consistent with how we DEFINE ourselves. Any change you make within yourself will depend on your ability to expand this identity.

Our identity is in a constant state of evolution. It changes with each new phase of life. Think about it, one day you are a student, the next you are a career woman. One day you are single, the next you are married. One day you are a wife, the next you are a mother. And although all these things impact on personal identity, they do not define who you really are. These titles are all roles that you have. Your true authentic identity is about your individuality, your uniqueness, your characteristics, your personality, purpose and passion.

As life goes on people tend to answer the question of who they are according to the box that is expected, or perceived at the time. More often than not the question is 'What do you do?'. When I ask 'Who are you?' of clients, very few can give a clear answer, it is all about the things that they do, the roles they fill. Finish the sentence "I am...". What comes up?

Many of us live our lives trying to be all things to all people, and therefore, of course we are going to loose sense of who we are within. This eventually leads to feelings of disconnection. We lose ourselves in the sheer energy of living, getting caught up in the busyness of everything - family, work, activities, would/could/should do's, expectations, demands, and those pesky-never-ending-to-do-lists - and so our concept of TRULY LIVING, APPRECIATING and ENJOYING things becomes very distorted. Our view of who we are becomes foveal and somewhat constricted.

Life is constantly evolving. If we become too tied to our role as our identity, it will create more challenges wondering who the hell we are down the track. A perfect example of this is the empty nester syndrome. Children grow up, leave home and parents (I have particularly seen this with mums), can struggle with identity which has been bought about by a change in life roles. The same can be said when identity is tied to work, or career, or a great athlete who suddenly finds they are retrenched or retired due to injury. The impact can be crushing.

If they're identity from a main life role changes, it creates an identity crises which can lead to feeling lost, confused and great sadness. I have even seen some become profoundly depressed. With major changes in life, there is the loss of identity and that often comes a period of grieving.

The key point to remember is that although these roles play a huge part in life, your true identity is determined by your core beliefs, your values, your passions, your openness, your expression and your empowerment. It is the connection with that inner aspect of self, your TRUE SELF, and sadly, many feel completely out of touch with that beautiful forgotten person. Have you ever looked in the mirror and asked:

To reconnect with your true self, you must be prepared to take time to let her shine through. Take time and nurture yourself. Explore your values and beliefs. Discover your strengths and know what lights you up. Acknowledge your limitations and grow... never be afraid to ask for help. No-one can do everything, all of the time, for everyone, after all. Get clear on what you want from life, your goals, what direction do you want your life to take. Where are you sitting in life right now?

Being your true authentic self means you will have a sharp awareness of your habits, of what needs to change and of what you can and need to expand. Speak your truth, be courageous, love yourself unconditionally ... the same way you do your love ones.

By living in the present moment, you will have a full cup and be living your best life... and to that I say you are clear on your identity as YOU. What a wonderful model to all those around you.

If you struggle with taking time for yourself, or have challenges reconnecting with you, take the 7 Day Self-Care Challenge to help give you some insight and direction. At the very least, complete the Self-Care Assessment, to give you an idea of where you are currently sitting, and the areas you need to start focusing on to make a positive change in your life. You owe this to yourself.