A New Addition To The Family

Well, although my concerns were very real to me and I believe not uncommon amongst Mumma's expecting a new addition, they were for the main part unfounded. Our little blue bundle arrived, although be it very late and with a slight flourish of drama (a story for another day), and was absolute dream baby number two. We definitely had a good mould there!

Now as a midwife and mother of two adult children I can certainly appreciate those early years and concerns that Mumma's today still express. I think one of the keys to making the transition from one to two - friends who have had three plus babies say it does get bigger, you do need even more organisation and often you just cruise through it all because you are either so tired or so chilled you let things flow over you. I can't comment on that only on what I've seen - but the key is to literally take a day at a time and being organised to a degree.

One thing I did with both babies, and something I advise my pregnant Mumma's to do, is to talk to your baby before it is even born. Tell him you love him; tell her what a calm and happy baby she will be; talk to that growing baby about your dreams for them. Now this may sound weird (it's not), and the thing is that they CAN hear you, they CAN FEEL your emotions. And from 34weeks, your baby is developing neural pathways, so it's the perfect time to state giving those little 'instructions'. The emotional wellbeing of a pregnant woman will certainly have an effect on the unborn child, whether negative or positive. You can read more about that HERE fit for births article by James Goodlatte.

Apart from the regular things that you need to keep in mind when bringing a newborn home, it's also a good idea to prepare your toddler/other children. Let's face it, the first child has been the centre of the universe since they were born, and now they are going to have to learn to share centre stage with someone else ... some one that everybody is going to be fussing over. Any wonder little noses are put out of joint. And if you're anything like me, the last thing you want or need is a little person feeling left out, or that they are no longer as important.

Here are some tips that made our transition a smooth one and will do the same for you.

FOOD PREP: This is an absolute no-brainer. Pre-cook meals, or cook up a double batch of things like pasta sauces, casseroles, soups etc and freeze them. That way if you are tired or you have a 'witchy' hour at the end of the day, the evening meal will be one less thing you have to worry about. Pop something out of the freezer and voila! Taking this unnecessary stress out of meal times allows you a bit of free time to perhaps read a story, or have a play with the older child/children. I remember sitting exams four days before my son was born, and then going full steam ahead cooking a month's supply of meals... just in case!

SIBLING PREP: Talk to them about the baby. Answer their questions (you know that common one 'How will the baby get out of your tummy?"). Keep it SIMPLE and be honest (Please don't say the stork brings the baby). Take them to an antenatal visit so they can hear the baby's heartbeat - this will MAKE IT REAL. Let them help with nursery preparation. I also bought things like a doll's baby bath, set up a nappy bag, doll stroller etc. That way she had all the things Mummy had for her baby too. And she was able to pick her own special welcoming present for her new sister or brother (No we didn't find out the sex). She also received a special present that was from her new brother.

After baby is born, INVOLVE them. It saddens me greatly to hear a constant flow of 'Don't touch that, it's the baby's; Don't touch the baby; Don't make a noise; Don't be naughty' ... Don't, don't, don't ... and they DO, do, do! The reason being the unconscious mind doesn't recognise the negative 'don't', so what they actually hear is the very thing that follows the don't and then they do it (Don't think about a blue tree).

Let them touch the baby... it won't break. This is a great time to learn about 'softly' and 'gently' and love. When an older sister or brother sees their baby for the first time, I always get them to hold their hand & point out how small they are, Kiss the baby's cheek - feel how soft they are. When the baby appears to be looking at them, I let the older child know that the baby is looking at them because they are very happy they are the big sister/brother. Then let them HOLD the baby... on a chair with you supporting them. It is a very special time and one of beautiful connection between very new siblings. This needs to be nurtured.

And of course (depending on age) you can get them to be a 'big help to Mummy', by getting the nappies, helping with the bath, handing you the baby wipes, any simple thing that is going to have them feeling safe and secure in their place within the family unit. At feed time, read a book, or tell a story. You may also like to have a clock with the hands set to a certain time that when the hands on the working clock match that will be special one-on-one time. Very, very important to work that time into your day.

Sometimes older children may show little interest in the new baby. This is because they are checking out what the baby does and needs, as well as what others do for the baby. It is a period of adjustment and that's okay ... avoid forcing the issue, and give lots of reassurance.

The other thing you may notice is some regression in the older child. Often they see all this attention the baby is getting, so start to act like a baby. I remember our daughter was toilet trained and suddenly started weeing on the floor. The best thing to do is avoid making a big issue of it. If he wants a pacifier again, give it to him and simply explain that these things are for babies. In most cases the regression phase will pass with some time.

COUPLES PREP: A new addition will often mean less time, and a change of roles. Your relationship MUST be a priority. Maintain a healthy, happy relationship and the children will be happy as well. This is the perfect time (ideally before bub arrives) to sit and have a chat about what things may need tweaking. Is it a clearer allocation of roles; is it revisiting what you want for your children and what parenting means for you? It may be that you need to look at boundaries. It also means working time for each other into your lives.

These are all things to think about. Too often the focus becomes all about the children, lines get blurred, resentment/jealousy can grow and before you know it, you've forgotten who that person is. So nurture each other as well as the children.

Expanding your family is a wonderful and exciting time, and it's not without it's challenges. Keep in mind to continue the strategies you used when you were a first time parent ​that worked well and add to your tool kit. Take help when offered, there's no need for you to have to do it all alone, and work together as a couple. Enjoy the delights of family life.

If you have found this article helpful or have any questions, please comment below.