Are You A Validation Seeker?

Confidence is not about having the biggest voice, the centre of attention, the biggest achiever. It is souly about feeling comfortable in your own skin regardless of what the situation you find yourself in. It's feeling an inner peace and not giving responsibility to others, and along with it your power.

For a myriad of reasons, many feel they need to have validation from others. This means you are asking the other person to prove your worth, your value, and when you do that, you are affirming that you cannot do it for yourself. What happens then is you get into this cycle of receiving validation... and feeling relief. The problem here is you get hooked into that temporary feeling and before long you forget how to validate yourself.

How might you be seeking validation? Well you try to be the smartest, the prettiest, the most confident, the best, or being right, all under the illusion that this gives us value. We live in a society that flashes around 'perfection' and so try to mirror this impossibility.

Here's the thing, seeking validation from others is a survival, biological need. The key is to be able to also validate yourself from within. Knowing you have done a good job yourself is important. The validation that then comes from others is a bonus rather than something you rely on. Only seeking validation from others is very dependent on their opinions or mood at the time.

The time to seek validation outside yourself is if something you are doing directly impacts others, then it is beneficial to get some feedback on your actions or behaviour. You may also seek validation in a professional capacity from mentors or leaders who can help you to grow and improve.

When it comes to everything else, rely on YOU. Someone's opinion on what you think is a great idea, may be that it is irresponsible; your amazing outfit may be ridiculous to another; your life choices may be very different to what someone else thinks. Avoid letting these opinions negatively influence what feels right for you.

Stop putting others and the opinions on a pedestal - they are not going to like you more. Attempting to gain acceptance in everything you do comes across as desperate, and the real you goes out the window. It is also exhausting.

The other thing is be authentic. You don't need to be putting on an act to get people to like you. Being your authentic self is one of the greatest forms of self-love. You are telling yourself and everyone else that you are happy with who you are, and that there's no need to pretend to be something you re not.

If you want to feel worthy, start by giving value to others without expecting anything in return. Expectation kills happiness. Lend a hand to another, an animal, do something for the environment... but do so for the process, not for external validation.