5 Key Steps For Getting What You Want.
It can be a strange concept, but we are all 100% responsible for the quality of our own lives. We can accept what comes to us as it is, or we can choose to accept the responsibility to change it. After all, what comes to us, is usually what we have focused on... whether we want it or not. Life doesn't happen to us, it happens for us.
Think about the word RESPONSIBILITY... It is really referring to our RESPONSE and our ABILITY to dealing with any given situation. It's about being prepared to step up, take charge, and commit to doing whatever it takes to get your desired outcomes.
Whatever we choose to do, we must acknowledge that it is our own actions (or lack of) that will allow us to create the life we truly want and desire. Stepping up and embracing that responsibility, even in those times when we might be crapping our dacks, will be not only liberating and freeing, it will totally remove the blame game from the picture. And it is in that moment, that you are taking control of the wheel and putting yourself in the drivers seat.
When it comes to making changes and taking that responsibility to the next level, there are a few things that will help get you heading on the right track that are sometimes overlooked. These five things, in my opinion, are crucial to taking the steering wheel in both hands and driving your own bus, as opposed to simply being a passenger.
1. Get Really Clear On What You Want:
We all need goals in life. If there are no goals in place or loosely defined goals, there is little or no progress and nothing changes. Goals are the basic foundation for creating change. There are many people who don't know what they want so undefined and wishy washy goals become the norm.
There can be several factors that can keep you from defining what you want and regardless of what those factors are (it may simply be you have never done goal setting before and have no idea how to go about it!), you have to be able to clearly define what you want your goals to be otherwise you have no chance of ever achieving them.
Earl Nightingale quotes that people with goals succeed because they know where they are going. And it's so true. No matter how large or how small the goal is, it's your desire, your want, and it gives you direction.
You need to have focus for creating new outcomes and achieving what you want, so if you're vague, where does the focus go? If you haven't got that focus and clarity happening it will leave you feeling disillusioned as there will be little result for your efforts, you loose motivation and then you 'fail'. Lack of focus for goals is a common roadblock. So get CLEAR and DEFINE your goals.
If you want to have some time every day for yourself, asking yourself why it is important to you would be a good place to start.
2. Have A Clear Awareness Around Where You Are Currently:
Where are you sitting in life today? Once you are clear on your desires, your goals, it is important to take an honest review of your current reality, of where you are currently sitting in life, and what areas you need to work on first. If you haven't already completed the Self-Care Assessment, DOWNLOAD, to get a clear picture of where you are.
Without a clear starting point, how will you know where to go, what actions to take, and even more than that how will you know you have reached your destination? Think of it as attempting to sail a ship without a rudder! You simply get nowhere fast. The end result is usually overwhelm with procrastination and self-sabotage. And lots of frustration and disappointment.
3. Focus On What You Want:
This is a biggy. Clients can ALWAYS tell me what they DON'T want... then struggle to say what they do want. Whatever you FOCUS on is what you will attract, to the exclusion of everything else... even when you really, really don't want it.The human mind is wired to go to the negative... it comes from the caveman days of always being on the alert for danger. These days, the only sabre toothed tigers we have to deal with are the ones we create in our mind. So if you find yourself focusing on the things you would prefer not to have in your life, then you need to CHANGE the focus to what you DO want. Hence the importance of being clear on what that is and how it looks.
This sounds easy, but there is often a fear of not achieving it, or error of decision and this will be enough to produce powerful emotions that can sabotage your best efforts. You will find that old patterns will emerge and this comes from that early programming that starts in very early childhood (more on that later). Develop awareness around your emotions, what triggers them, how you respond, and how you can master them to serve you resourcefully. In other words how to work with your emotions to empower you to move towards your desires and goals.
4. Reset Internal Disharmony:
One of the biggest saboteurs of your best efforts is something you are often totally unaware of. This is when the autopilot kicks in and takes charge of the wheel. I'm talking about your VALUES. It's therefore important to be certain and connected with your deepest values (the non-negotables in your life, the personal rules you choose to live by), so as to over-ride any internal conflict. To live a full and contented life, we must live fully aligned with our values, and if you do not know what those values are, you will not be able to create permanent change because self-sabotage will rule every time.
When you are aware of what your core values are, you will be able to make the right choice in every given situation, without stepping into any self-sabotaging behaviour, which 90% of the time, comes from an incongruity between our beliefs, actions and our inner values.
Know your values and re-evaluate them on a consistent basis, this helps you become aware of what’s important to you and what drives your behaviour. When you know what your values are, you can then work toward living congruently with them. This will assist you to feel more peace with where you currently stand in your life.
5. Release Limiting Beliefs:
I'm referring here to what you specifically believe about yourself, your capabilities and whether you feel you are worthy or deserving. These beliefs form your self-image, your world and what is going on in it. Think about your 'I am...' statements.
Your beliefs would have started again early in childhood and more often than not are no longer useful beliefs for you. Beliefs are an opinion we formed in relation to (usually) a strong emotional response to an event, and have us forming all sorts of assumptions thereby allowing previous experiences to influence or hinder future experiences and outcomes.
It's a good idea to review belief systems regularly to determine if they are working for or against you. Beliefs sit in the unconscious mind and will run without you being consciously aware of them... they will always play out in your life. And limiting beliefs will usually have a strong emotional pull which often wins over logic making them more challenging to change.
CLUES TO LIMITING BELIEFS
Do you find yourself saying things like:
- “That always happens”
- I never get it right”
- This won’t work”
- It’s too hard”
- Why can’t I do that?”
- This should happen”
- “TRY…”
If you find yourself making these statements regularly and in relation to the things you want to change... then you need to do a little work.
There are many times throughout life that we want things to be different. That will involve stepping outside the comfort zone. When you decide to be more, to have a bigger, better and more colourful life, there is a drive that will compel you to do things differently. Regardless of what you are wanting to change, following these five points will set you in good stead for personal growth to allowing you success in taking control of the wheel and driving your own bus through life... the way YOU want it.
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